When couples struggle to survive an affair, they may select therapy as a choice. Initially there's relief because they feel as though the therapist understands their heartache and can honestly help them. What might well surprise them nonetheless, is the sensation that they are moving two steps forward and one step back.
Leaving a session may make them feel as though they have the tools and are headed straight for success, only to be sidelined for days by astonishing emotional turmoil. This phenomenon has been called a roller coaster, but might be more accurately described as a dance with anger. When the partners arrive for therapy, what they might not understand is that three people actually show up for the appointment. There are two that wear skin, but the third is just as real and influential: anger.
Researchers are only now spotting the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including anger, the tricked better half experiences following the discovery of an affair. The fury might be displayed by anger outbursts or hidden away, however it is usually at work impacting the direction treatment will take. Will the therapist help the partners talk about the factors that made the marriage ready for the affair, or will the focus be on the stress experienced by the betrayed partner? Anger will decide.
The betraying spouse may be unable to identify her own anger in the initial sessions because she may be working awfully tough to continue managing anger and not further offend the partner she deceived. By turning a blind eye to her fury however, she is no longer coping with anger. In ignoring anger, she ignores the disappointment, dissatisfaction, and antagonism that led on to her to justifying, minimizing, and executing a successful affair. If the therapist fails to recognize her anger in session, he may leave her in the same emotional situation.
In cheating recovery, anger must be identified and met head on by all participators in treatment. Ignoring anger does not make it go away; it only makes it a more powerful dance partner.
Leaving a session may make them feel as though they have the tools and are headed straight for success, only to be sidelined for days by astonishing emotional turmoil. This phenomenon has been called a roller coaster, but might be more accurately described as a dance with anger. When the partners arrive for therapy, what they might not understand is that three people actually show up for the appointment. There are two that wear skin, but the third is just as real and influential: anger.
Researchers are only now spotting the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including anger, the tricked better half experiences following the discovery of an affair. The fury might be displayed by anger outbursts or hidden away, however it is usually at work impacting the direction treatment will take. Will the therapist help the partners talk about the factors that made the marriage ready for the affair, or will the focus be on the stress experienced by the betrayed partner? Anger will decide.
The betraying spouse may be unable to identify her own anger in the initial sessions because she may be working awfully tough to continue managing anger and not further offend the partner she deceived. By turning a blind eye to her fury however, she is no longer coping with anger. In ignoring anger, she ignores the disappointment, dissatisfaction, and antagonism that led on to her to justifying, minimizing, and executing a successful affair. If the therapist fails to recognize her anger in session, he may leave her in the same emotional situation.
In cheating recovery, anger must be identified and met head on by all participators in treatment. Ignoring anger does not make it go away; it only makes it a more powerful dance partner.
About the Author:
Doctor. Kate Walker is a licensed professional counselor in the Woodlands, Texas. Her article discusses coping with anger and managing anger when counseling couples that are recovering from cheating.
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